I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I want to have your abortion
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
