I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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