I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
