I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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