he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
