She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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