How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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