I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
