I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
