The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
