Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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