you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
