I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
