That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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