Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
