i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
