He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
