If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i've created a new STD.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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