tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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