Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
