and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
