I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
