i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
