I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
