Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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