why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
