She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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