While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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