I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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