I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
