If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
