Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
