Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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