lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
