so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
