Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
