i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
