I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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