Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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