it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
