She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
