If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Someone signed my nipple.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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