Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you traded sex for a burrito?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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