i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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