This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
