for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
