I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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