nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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