I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
