what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
