Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
